fresh n juicy chunks of oyster :: RTW travel blog

At Kho Phang Nan's Full Moon Party I was almost decked by the reek of hour-old alcohol as a Brit pressed his sweaty, glo-painted face against mine and put his arm around me in that disgustingly repulsive way only drunk people can do. He proceeded to enlighten me with his philosophies and inconsequential theories on European football. Then he suddenly spat on the beach, by now littered with bottles and garbage in all directions, and told me with a sort of excited gleam in his eyes, "This is what I do to Thai women!" He spat on the sand again, "That's what I do. Like this. They disgust me!" Before he could sling his arm around me again I kind of mumbled something about having to get back to dancing and ducked off. He proceeded to stagger through the theme park that had been erected in his honour.
These are the new kings of Thailand and all I could do was wonder who in fucking hell gave them passports.
But when the near full moon outlines the palmtrees in a pale glow and you see the thousands of people on the beach having fun it can seem incredibly beautiful. Nice from far, far from nice for just as suddenly the image is prone to slide into an infestation that has claimed ownership of this island with bright lights and Western music.
But not just the Full Moon Party is alien to this place. There are the so-called 'less discovered' places that at first seem like paradise. 'Bottle Beach' lies in a bay that as of now is only accessible by boat (although a paved road is obviously in the pipeline): a perfect beach, not many people around, comfortable beach-side bungalow huts, four restaurants/bars serving comfort food from home and showing movies from Hollywood. It is the fantasy of the archetypal beach come to life, the frame of mind that is Beach and that we have been taught from a tender age by holiday brochures and our media, it is a valid excuse for laziness that people do not dare afford themselves in their lives of work and skewed horizons. But like all dreams it is incredibly fragile and requires serious self-deception to work as intended: "Yes, I deserve this relaxation; yes I deserve to be pampered by the locals; yes, I deserve to hang out with other pissed people from my country. Yes, I am special!"
I too felt special for the first day or so on that beach but then I suddenly couldn't take it all anymore: the sterility, the lack of stimulation and the scattered sunbathers who were flipping themselves scientifically like overcooked omelettes in frying pans striving for the perfect tan. And so I fled the beach for the Full Moon Party and my encounters with an army of pissed Europeans encouraged by buckets (literally) filled with medicinal-grade Red Bull, Whiskey and Coke, hordes of Israelis doing what they do best and a couple of cats who were digging the music and the mushroom shakes. I closed my eyes to all the broken eggs that had gone into making so many omelettes and started digging too until the next morning.
And then I fled again on the first boat away from the island back to Khao Sarn Road, Bangkok, a Yangshuo West Street on steroids.
In South America there were times when I used to be excited to bump into people who spoke English; here I have started despising them and they are everywhere. This country ain't big enough for all of us so my only option is flight yet again, facilitated by ultra-light travel made possible by great luggage storage facilities here.
Thailand is not the place for me. It is too difficult for me to see the country and the, I suspect, amazingly rich culture which runs almost invisibly alongside the backpackerism. I am tired of being shuttled from door to door by A/C'd 'V.I.P.' buses like lazy sheep with 50 other backpackers; I don't want to eat any more overpriced tourist food and I can't deal with seeing locals who are jaded and filled with impotent aggression after dealing with the scum of our societies.
A traveller should be invisible and float through places leaving behind no demands for anything that's not already there. Instead we have systematically made Thailand our whore for life: this is the colonialism of the 21st century that will make other countries slaves to our economies and values. And the sad thing is that we were the only ones who could have changed it by behaving differently and not wanting the world to become our circus. But it is all already too late: there is too much money to be made and too many livelihoods that are intertwined with ours now; no one is interested in change. In a few years time even the backpackers will probably start disappearing to be replaced with the reliable income of package tourists and after Thailand is full it will be time to export Khao Sarn Road to Laos, Myanmar and everywhere else in the region - although in all likelihood this has already happened.
Goodbye sweet world; goodbye sweet dream.

[Disclaimer: The views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of God, your uncle or anyone in particular. Any reference to people living or dead is purely coincidental, etc...
That should cover my back from Thai-o-philes. And to clarify for the purists - Thailand is a beautiful country with beautiful people and I probably only have myself to blame for sticking to the beaten track. It's just that the beaten track is so bloody wide here and I have no time, as always.
At any rate piccies from Thailand can be found here. My camera is going to the dogs to from humidity in China so the photos kinda suck.
I am heading to Laos on a V.I.P. bus in an hour. There I will look like a monkey with a 'utility-belt' that contains all I will take but at least I'll be able to flee a place with only 2 seconds notice if required.]